You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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