i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize