Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
