I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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