Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
