Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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