I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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