Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
