No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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