That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Randomize
