So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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