I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
