Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
