i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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