The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
No I am not eating basil off your cock
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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