I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
