so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
