when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
