Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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