I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
