I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
