My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
