If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
