it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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