just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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