Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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