you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
