I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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