I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
