We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
