Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
