good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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