when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
