i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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