doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
