bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
