sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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