The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
