you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
