I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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