your room smells of hookers.
And success
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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