And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
be right there i have to get my cape
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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