He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
