My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
