this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
