I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
