In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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