I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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