Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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