Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
