worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
