Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
