The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
