For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
