ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
