As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
