The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
