Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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