Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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