oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
