She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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