My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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