Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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