I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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