can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Best friends brother. Beat that.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
