Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
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Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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