did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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