Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
