He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
