maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He? As in you personified your dick?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
