ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
