I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
